July 22, 2014
6 years ago today I gave birth to one miss Melanie Rose Mullally.
Melanie – I love you. Your birth was hard – 30 hours with no pain meds, then the C-section where they observed that the skin around my scar (from my last C-section) was paper thin and my uterus would have likely bust if I had labored any longer. The doctors were scared. They couldn’t cut near my old scar because they said the skin was too thin to hold stitches afterwards. Your dad was really scared too. It… was harder on him than on me. Afterwards, as I recoverd, he did everything around the house so that I could focus completley on healing and (of course) on nursing and cuddling you.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat. You and your sister are my everything. It breaks my heart that your dad can’t be here to share this day with us. It is so unfair for such a little girl to lose so much. It takes all the strength I have to pull myself together and continue to cook/plan for the birthday party that you deserve this evening. Doing it without your dad by my side makes me ache all over. I let myself weep now, while you are at day camp with your sister, so that I can pull myself together and be bright for you when you are home. You deserve that. You deserve all of the fun and joy and love I can give you on your birthday.
I know your dad is out there somewhere, and he is definately thinking of all of us today. When the sky is clear sometime soon and Mount Rainier is out, we will say hi to him and tell him what a wonderful party you had. You can tell him that on the morning of your bday I bought you an extremely unhealthy sugary doughnut. He would laugh and would be proud of me for being a bit less uptight than usual.